On People With No Reflection

On People With No Reflection

“Picture this: You’re walking down the street, trying desperately to get to your destination on time, and a homeless man asks “Could you spare some change so I could get something to eat?” You know you have a few singles and some change in your wallet, but you need that for the meter and to buy snacks. You don’t want to tell the man “No.” (That would just feel rude.) So, instead, you quicken your pace and try not to make eye contact. It’s less awkward that way.

There are other times when you can and do spare change, but let’s focus on today’s interaction (or lack there of). You didn’t ignore the man to be mean. You’re not a mean person. You did it because you felt bad about not honoring his request; so, rather than look him in the face and admit that you’re not going to help, you avoided the situation entirely. This is your logic. It’s been mine, too. Not anymore.

I’ve taken no official polls, but from simple observation, it seems fair to say that most people ignore the homeless. Regardless of our reasons for doing this, it has the same detrimental result. Every interpersonal interaction we share- be it pleasant or hostile, significant or brief- works to fulfill the basic human needs of confirmation and validation. It confirms that we are in fact human and validates that we are worthy of recognition. Our friends, family members and associates are more than just support and social networks. They are the shiny surfaces that constantly reflect our images, letting us know that we’re still human, still accepted, still here.

Most of us never think this deeply about our interactions, because they’re plentiful and adequate. Imagine if they weren’t. Imagine if you woke up one day and could find no one to respond to you. At first you’d think it was a joke, some type of prank they were all in on. No big deal. If it continued, though, you’d really start to doubt your sanity. "Don’t they see me? Can’t they hear me? I’m right here!” With no one providing a reflection, it wouldn’t take long for us to begin to doubt our own existence.

And we wonder why so many homeless people have mental health issues. Not that there aren’t other significant factors to consider, but our consistent disregard of their humanity– of their severe need for recognition–surely contributes to the formation of mental instability. Regardless of if we realize it or not, every time we ignore them and silently walk by, the big, bellowing message we deliver is “You don’t exist!,” as if we are the ones worthy of removing the right to life.

Maybe I’m being dramatic. Maybe I’m making you feel bad. That is not my intention, but we have to look at what we’re doing. Newborn babies can’t even survive without human stimulation and touch. Young children become mentally stunted and have problems acquiring language skills if they aren’t talked to regularly. Older children develop self esteem issues and improper etiquette if they don’t receive the right type of communication. The importance of talking to people is undeniable. We are social beings by nature, programmed to seek out and provide help. Are the homeless any less human? Is their nature any different? I’d have to say no. So, even if you can’t give money, give something better: a reflection.

Nadirah Angail
Copyright© 2009

Tags: homeless, reflection

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Comment by ameenah welch on November 25, 2009 at 8:30am: ASA This was on point. Very nice please send me more deep thoughts. Insha Allah

Comment by Nadhabee on November 24, 2009 at 11:03am: Thanks for all the comments. I had this realization while living in Philadelphia and seeing all the homeless people downtown. Sometimes I would ignore them and I felt so bad. I thought what if someone ignored me like that? Now I never ignore. Can't afford it. Yes brother Mikal, my husband is an avid Phil Collins fan so I know that song. It is wonderful. It's an honor to be connected to that brother. Thanks everyone!

Comment by Michael "Mikal" Saahir on November 24, 2009 at 8:32am: Sister Nadirah, As-Salaam Alaikum.
Your words are refreshing and inspiring to the generations older than you because it lets us know that the future of Al-islam in America is gonna be alright!
Your words remind me of a song by Phil Collins titled "Another day in Paradise". I believe that you and Phil are spiritually connected. I have included the lyrics for you. Also you can listen to the song at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfZqXLnBYb4

One last note before enjoying Phil Collins "reflecting" song. be on the lookout for my new book titled. "THE HONORABLE ELIJAH MUHAMMAD: THE MAN BEHIND THE MEN."
Thanks for being aa thoughtful writer
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE
By Phil Collins

She calls out to the man on the street
"Sir, can you help me?
It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?"

He walks on, doesn't look back
He pretends he can't hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there

Oh think twice, it's another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, it's just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

She calls out to the man on the street
He can see she's been crying
She's got blisters on the soles of her feet
Can't walk but she's trying

Oh think twice...

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say

You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that she's been there
Probably been moved on from every place
'Cos she didn't fit in there

Oh think twice...

Comment by Fatimah Muhammad on November 24, 2009 at 1:29am: Ive never thought of the effects of ignoring a person, the loneliness one would feel and on top of all of that to be without a home is even worse. I recently learned that everyone wants to be heard, but to not even have a person who would share a conversation with you is even worse. I will definitely be sure to engage those who are less fortunate or even more fortunate than I am.

Comment by Sd Sabree on November 23, 2009 at 11:43pm: Woah sis this article was very deep sis thank you for these insperational words!

Comment by Finesse Hodges on November 23, 2009 at 11:04pm: Kudos sis. I love this. I was actually speaking with a friend about this the other day. There is a man that lives nearby that is always asking for money at local businesses and corners. She was saying that she had given him money once so she didn't feel that she needed to do it again- which is fine. But I always give the man some kind of change or ask him if he needs a sandwich or anything from the convenient store because I don't know this man's situation. He doesn't seem like he abuses drugs or anything, may be running a scam for all I know, I just know I don't like the feeling when I have tried to walk away from this man and people in his shoes. Because I always ended up wondering if I could have helped them with something and how many other people had probably turned him down too, and that people in that situation are not always at fault for their position, most important, I think if it were me would I want someone to ignore me? To each their own, and people that I know have always looked at me crazy for reaching out to the homeless, but I just feel it's the right thing to do. You don't have to give money, or food, but you can say hello and smile at the least. And if you do decide to give money, give what you can (not saying throw a $20 bill out there! lol, but if you got it. lol) and know that if they are scamming you, then it will be marked against them. But you never know. At least smile, that takes all of .02 seconds and can make someone's day. Mashallah, great article sis!!

Comment by βellα 2 Barbie Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ on November 23, 2009 at 11:02pm: “We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.”-
-mother Theresa-

SO BE A HERO FOR A BETTER WORLD!!!

NICE NADIII

Comment by AskiaT on November 23, 2009 at 10:53pm: Even a smile can be charity.

Comment by IZZY "The Artist" on November 23, 2009 at 10:20pm: YRAC NEWS Hot Off The Press Cover

Comment by IZZY "The Artist" on November 23, 2009 at 8:17pm: Really made me reflect, Alhumdulilah, penetrating & profound

"Don’t they see me? Can’t they hear me? I’m right here!” With no one providing a reflection,"

", every time we ignore them and silently walk by, the big, bellowing message we deliver is “You don’t exist!,” as if we are the ones worthy of removing the right to life."

"So, even if you can’t give money, give something better: a reflection."