Single Moms... Who is to blame? Men... Women... The System? No one?

The single parenthood rate for Black people is by now about 60%. Out of the single parents 91 percent are women. There are nearly 40 Million Black people in the USA. So about 24 Million account for single parent families. Obama said "More than half of all black children live in single-parent households, a number that has doubled — doubled — since we were children." Wow, so this community is more likely to NOT have a Father than to have one. How did this happen? Who is to blame... if anyone?

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2008/jun/23/bara...

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Permalink Reply by βellα 2 Barbie Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ on June 13, 2009 at 10:37pm: Well i think personally is basically has to do with, something about their childhood, and i also personally believe that, thats how their parents were raise..but all i could say is that , they need to go to Masjiid, or church..because they need ALLAH in life..; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bro. Yusef on June 14, 2009 at 1:35am: sex before marriage and lil wayne is to blame; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nadirah Angail on June 14, 2009 at 2:38pm: There are a lot of factors. Sex before marriage is an issue but people have been doing that forever. Its not something new. Its grown more and more acceptable to have kids without being married, in the black community and society at large. It used to be more taboo. Couples would get married quickly to prevent the child from being born out of wedlock. Now a lot of people consider it a non issue if the baby is born out of wedlock. You can just be an Independent Woman and do it on your own. Of course its not that easy, but thats how its portrayted.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Yashica Buchanan on June 14, 2009 at 2:46pm: I believe that it goes back to slavery. It was nothing for African families to be torn apart and for children to grow up without having a mother and father in the home. The black woman took care of the home, the children she had if they weren't taken away, and also her slavemasters's children. Unfortunately, black people kept the mentality that family consisting of mother and father are not that important. That a woman is able to care for the children on her own. I'm not speaking of all black families, of course we have black families that value staying together. It became a cycle and when you haven't experienced a household consisting of a mother and father, you may not really see the value of one. Who's to blame? Initially, I feel that it is American slavemasters for tearing families apart. Now, I think that we as black people have to take the blame for not breaking free of this mentality. And everything in the media is so sexualized and now we have all these teenage mothers and fathers who aren't gonna get married at this age. (I assume that we're talking about black people in general and not Muslims, we keep our kids in check, lol); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Yashica Buchanan on June 14, 2009 at 2:47pm: Masha'Allah, absolutely

Ammarah said:
I think the entire black community is to blame, even the middle class ones from "good" families.

Our generation is spoiled and always in constant pursuit of instant gratification. We are doing nothing to preserve what the previous generation sacraficed for, including upholding family values. We are very quick to enter relationships for superficial reasons and then bail when we encounter the least bit of hardship. We are a generation of quitters.

Secondly, the black community celebrates single motherhood (as if single fatherhood cannot possibly exist). We put the responsibility of child rearing entirely on the mothers, but only hold the father accountable financially. We credit single moms for being "strong" for raising her children on her own and pass on this notion that single parenthood is a badge of honor rather than something that is circumstantial. It's sad that some of us are raised to accept that dad may or not be there for us, and if he does, then he is put upon a pedestal for raising his kids, which he is supposed to do in the first place!

Also, whether black mothers would like to admit it or not, they spoil their sons as if their sons are their man. They do not raise their sons to be strong accountable men. These black boys and girls are growing up in an environment where the presence of black male leadership is a rarity. Our daughters are growing up to believe that a strong black male is a rarity. So black women seek the attention of just ANY black male in place of a father's love, and the black males take advantage.We raise our sons to be takers and not givers. I know many black males that grew up in families that jokingly asked them "how many girlfriends you got?" rather than asking them what they want to be when they grow up. There are more black women in college and in the workforce than black males.

We as Muslims should raise our sons to be strong, accountable, educated men who contribute to their communities. We should raise our daughters to have career aspirations but at the same time, train them to be good wives.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nadirah Angail on June 14, 2009 at 3:39pm: Definitely agree with Ammarah. Didn't see that post before. A cousin of mine made a comment about how young black moms-to-be always want little boys. I've noticed that too. I met a girl in the store the other day (looked between 14 and 16) that seemed sad that she just found out it was a girl. "I just wanted a little boy," she told me. I think its bc a lot of us want a male to love and give us love unconditionally. A lot of black women treat their sons the way they wish their dads would have treated them. Fathers are often the absent parents so they're viewed as the "missing saviors," the person that would have made everything better if only he were there. This image gets projected onto the young sons.The mothers, the ones that usually are there, get the blame, criticism and judgement. That's what get projected onto the daughters. Of course, this is speaking in general terms. There are lots of people that dont fit into these categories. I'm not saying that everyone who wants a boy has father issues.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Fadimatou Nafissatou on June 16, 2009 at 9:48am: Salaam, i see the title is "Single Moms... Who is to blame? Men... Women... The System? No one?" when did it become that we are discussing race.
Single mothers exist in all race and countries.

The only people who are to blame are those that allowed it to happen. We are living in a worl where sex education is the norm, if with all the sex ed out there you still manage to fall pregnant then you cant blame it on the community as you where fully awhare of the consequences.

hope i didnt offend any1; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Yashica Buchanan on June 16, 2009 at 10:41am: I think everybody started talking about race because the post was directed to the rate of black single parents. I and maybe others assumed that because of this we were dealing with race. But you're right, it's a problem no matter what race it is. I don't know the statistics but maybe it's a bigger problem for black families more than any other race.

Fadimatou Nafissatou said:
Salaam, i see the title is "Single Moms... Who is to blame? Men... Women... The System? No one?" when did it become that we are discussing race.
Single mothers exist in all race and countries.

The only people who are to blame are those that allowed it to happen. We are living in a worl where sex education is the norm, if with all the sex ed out there you still manage to fall pregnant then you cant blame it on the community as you where fully awhare of the consequences.

hope i didnt offend any1; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nurideen Bashir on June 16, 2009 at 4:54pm: All this "data" is circumstantial. There are too many variables to determine real reasoning behind such statistics. Cuz you could easily argue the about how many white people or white women are in marriages they are unhappy about or where the husband is cheating, they know, and they continue to take it as apart of "wifely duties". Their are more than enough of those to count up as well so to say someone is single doesn't mean they are unhappy or can't live their life cuz there are just as many people who are married and beyond unhappy and would prolly be better off single.

who's to blame??? hmmm...i personally think we are to blame. by "we", i'm referring to muslims. how can we have the answer, the antithesis of instant gratification and societal greed and not consider OURSELVES in this argument as it's biggest culprit? We allow this culture to permeate us instead of the other way around. This is why even muslims are having this issue...capitalistic culture has permeated the world as a whole. Not saying that that's the only reason why its happening but I'm sure we can all agree that the answer to stand against it is Islam...whatever the reason for it is. This means that if it's still existing so heavily then something we're doing ain't up to par. we spend more time tryna be American or apart of this culture than we do bringing them to our world. and honestly, what should one expect when muslims is dropping hijabs, qu'ran's, and even more than that (if you catch my drift) to fit in? if everything we're about is not gonna be the answer, what is???; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tasha R. Johnson on June 16, 2009 at 5:51pm: I agree with the post on saying how slavery's effect on our race has caused us to think it's ok to roll like we do.. It's called survival.. It's called you gotta do what you gotta do.. Which with all that said in my opinion it's societies fault.. Because society enslaved us over 400 years ago, tore our families apart, abused us , did us worse than dogs then turn around and criticize and ridicule us for doing what we do.. I was a show on the history channel on drugs and it was talking about how back in the oh I think it was the 17 or 1800's when cocaine was given to the slaves to get energized and get to work longer.. Then all of a sudden the slaves are addicted to the stuff and it causes them to become violent , and the slaves were attacking their butts and congress decides to create a law making cocaine illegal for use by blacks saying they were unfit to use.. Now ain't that bout nothing.. So that brings me to say this, we as black folk really do need to educate ourselves and look at our own situations and figure what or why I am in my perdicament.. Start trying to break the cycle.. Help those close that are in unstable situations and point out their thinking process.. We are all products of what we know or are familiar with.. So don't criticize sister so and so because she is letting brother so and so beat her.. She is rolling with what she is familiar .. She probably was abused as a child, so thinks it's normal and it's ok.. Now I am not saying she likes it , but it's not for us to ridicule because people don't know people have been through and conditioned to believe.. It society's fault..; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tasha R. Johnson on June 16, 2009 at 5:58pm: Tasha R. Johnson said:
I agree with the post on saying how slavery's effect on our race has caused us to think it's ok to roll like we do.. It's called survival.. It's called you gotta do what you gotta do.. Which with all that said in my opinion it's societies fault.. Because society enslaved us over 400 years ago, tore our families apart, abused us , did us worse than dogs then turn around and criticize and ridicule us for doing what we do.. I was a show on the history channel on drugs and it was talking about how back in the oh I think it was the 17 or 1800's when cocaine was given to the slaves to get energized and get to work longer.. Then all of a sudden the slaves are addicted to the stuff and it causes them to become violent , and the slaves were attacking their butts and congress decides to create a law making cocaine illegal for use by blacks saying they were unfit to use.. Now ain't that bout nothing.. So that brings me to say this, we as black folk really do need to educate ourselves and look at our own situations and figure what or why I am in my perdicament.. Start trying to break the cycle.. Help those close that are in unstable situations and point out their thinking process.. We are all products of what we know or are familiar with.. So don't criticize sister so and so because she is letting brother so and so beat her.. She is rolling with what she is familiar .. She probably was abused as a child, so thinks it's normal and it's ok.. Now I am not saying she likes it , but it's not for us to ridicule because people don't know people have been through and conditioned to believe.. It society's fault..

excuse any ommitted words I did this on my iPhone I was thinking faster than I could type .. But try to fill in the word(s).. If you need clarification reply back.. Thanks asa; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Wali A Ali on June 24, 2009 at 4:39am: As Salaam Alaikum
This problem goes back to slavery it self. If you look at the Willy Lynch (will He Lynch?) letters, he explains how they intend
to make a race of slaves. He asks the question. How do you break a nigger? Answer. You take the strongest black buck and brutally kill him in front of the woman and child. That makes the woman raise the boy passive and the girl in a frozen state of independence.
What does he mean Independent? Question, Why did we see President Bush's Family, Vice President Cheny;s family, but not Condelessa Rice;s family. That is what he meant by a frozen state of independence. So when you see not just African American families but it is effecting all families without the male you have to take a look at what happend in the past. they say if you don't know the past you are bound to repeat it.

Your brothewr Wali A. Ali; ▶ Reply to This